Development

I developed slowly
I was always one step behind the mind's greatest discoveries--
Yet no one reminded me.
So I wandered deeper and deeper into the abyss
silently enraged by the lack of belief and understanding in my true self
I never found a niche
couldn't even process my own feelings of anxiety, fear and rage,
and Yet the crying stopped when words failed to talk more than the rich expression in my eyes
I wanted so much to have arms wrap around me
and tell me over and over again, that I was going to be okay. That I wasn't so strange
wasn't so skinny
wasn't so fucking weak
Yes I wanted someone to tell me I was beautiful--ON REPEAT.
Because beauty was what I knew so well
It was the reassuring mark of acceptance
after a long cry and sick feeling in my stomach---
that 'oh you look so pretty
after a long night of unfamiliar shelter.
Yes, the beauty of disguise made me sleep well.
So well in fact that I would win best in show.
Someone was watching over me because
I was given the tools I needed to find the attention I needed on my own.
Yet we all know that that shit is only skin deep.
Doesn't cure the hurt in one's heart
doesn't fix the broken memories of what may be laughter, fear or pain
doesn't stop me from remembering the unordinary nights when I felt so alone,  
when I find myself getting weak in the knees on a friday night as I remember the hazzy afternoons where i dug my fingernails into my mattress with the phone in my hand
because i didn't know what to do.
when I hid behind the door forgetting everything else
when I mechanically did as i was told the next day because I never thought to ask
what's this hole I feel I right here mommy?

Misused Names: An intentional Spoken Word Poem

Excuse me, May I have your attention please?
This is a public service announcement and it’s long overdue
The names I am about to speak of are supported by subjectivity and freedom of speech.
You know them well because you’ve used them before
These names that caused permanent scars on the human mind have been
Spoken repetitively across continents and around the world for over sixty years, generation after generation
Putting a slanderous film over the history of their crime.
Like broken records overplayed in our minds
These names, these invectives are imprisoning us in time
May I ask where you were when Rush Limbough freely compared Obama to Hitler on his hit radio show?
Where were you when McDermott compared US soldiers to Nazi storm troopers on the congressional show?
Were you sleeping when our patriotic members of public office used exaggerated names in political debates?
Or did you fasten your eyes on Ann culter's dress when she called Obama a racist back then?
Or was your head simply buried in the sand when they said NEVER AGAIN?
Like ludicrous phraseology often brands a false name with reason,
these names have become colorful add-ons to cartoon caricatures and republican party lies
spun like common threads to debates, discussions and pillow talk with our friends
these names have mushroomed in popular culture, have tainted our minds undermined Nazi and Neo-Nazi crimes
Those who make comparisons to Nazi and Hitler do so because they want others to feel the intensity of their pain
but quite frankly, these names do not draw effective comparisons,
they just create impalpable clouds in our minds
Varied in modern language these names have
made slander acceptable for the English language
and thereby called extremism our fundamental right
I wish people would stop telling me to take it easy
these names just make me fucking queasy
I'm sick of this stage, this hell, this hypocrisy, this so called "sell"
that twists extremist names so much that they've
got you describing your mom and dad as Nazis because they told you to pick up your room...
Since when did our words become like a disease to our tongue?
Were they lost in the past like Stalin or Bashir or did they lose moral high ground when the mass media took the reigns of public airwaves time and time and time again?
See our words should not be about politics, used in entertainment or debate
Our words are our minds way of breathing
They are like a mirror of our soul
They are the sentimental captions for photographs and lullabies at night
they are the whispers of affection on a romantic afternoon
and they are the eye watering laughs on long trips with friends
they are the instruments that abet us in strife and
they are the comforting reminders of a lost family member or friend
And OUR WORDs are the seeds that plant either love or hate, thus life or destiny
See our minds are our greatest gifts to being human
they help us form the words that humanize our connections with others
needed
to outsmart any energy that tries to mess with the mind
And if by curiosity or doubt, along the way, should my child ever question a word so evil or unspeakable
I will tell her
that we are all full of potential

My favorite Spoken Word poets at this time

The above 'B' poem is the poem I recited for my public speaking class. I will forever hold her words dear to my heart (and ingrained in memory!)

Sarah Kay is quite possibly the best spoken word female artist. She also holds spoken word poetry trainings. You can find her website here: http://www.project-voice.net/about-us/



One of my favorite parts in Sulaiman's poem: " I am David, with a sling shot and rock". Sulaiman is a very religious and spiritual man. I am so in awe of his passion on and off stage.




Mayda Del Valle... Mayda Del Valle. She is amazing. A well-known spoken word artist who has performed not only at Def Poetry but at the White House. Her talent and passion has landed her a tremendous position in the public.

the beginning of something...

My first uploaded video of my poem/ranting of thoughts in oral form in blog world. This is just a start to a full-length spoken word piece I am working on. 

teach me how to dance

I love learning dances inspired by amazing songs from all over the world. Here are some of my all-time favorites!

An all-time favorite by the king of pop and Janet Jackson: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P4A1K4lXDo. Fast-forward to 3:18 for the dance.

Female empowerment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNM5HW13_O8

Here's one from Cali Swag District: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJxYiIfr4WM&feature=related

And one from JVClubs Hip Hop in Latvia dancing to the Creator: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOMM5yQ2nks

A ten year pop star famous by birth sings a safe-for-a-ten-year old party song that'll get you swinging you hair back and forth: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymKLymvwD2U

An incredibly uplifting song by Shakira and Freshlyground that I dance to in zumba class called "Waka Waka": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRpeEdMmmQ0

These Walls We've Built

Like distant relatives with ill intentions we continue our sorrowful gaze.
The connection among us is not full circle
He likes her better
She identifies with him and he identifies with her better
She told her this and he told her that so it’s better
They started a secret club that’s only passable with certain qualifications
Such as the improbable to obtain only by birth
They started a secret club to degenerate others
And exonerate themselves
They keep on hating
Keep on faking it
Keep on justifying ignorance as self-worth
The phrase
“we’re all in this together”
doesn’t apply at all here
Doesn’t even come close here
When you set up walls around you
You forget to look deeper into yourself
Your thoughts freeze at their most poignant and your resiliency is put on hold.
Your head becomes hard
And your view becomes narrow
Your dreams for unity and peace are limited
Once the walls you’ve built hold strong like the guild of hate behind you
Sooner or later you stop challenging yourself
And settle for the easiest act of justified emotion
You stop dealing with the possible
And you end all hopes for the positive
Based on the walls you’ve built
Judgment says you can’t let anyone in
So you push the open hearts away
And you keep yours hidden in your chest
You stop whispering to g-d
And start yelling at your wife
Hell becomes your reality when you realize the walls
You’ve built have become too thick to live life freely
You’ll have to start all over
You’ll have to ask yourself what do I want to be remembered for?
　

'Ryan' 7/23/10

he gave me a piece of his mind
last night I dreamed that I was like him
trying so hard to formulate the words to converse with others
trying so hard to understand my surroundings and appropriate my behavior
to adjust to the social settings around me
I woke up feeling so lost
I was at a loss for words
not knowing if I would ever be able to articulate my words again
I splashed cold water on my face and squinted at myself in the mirror
yes, it was just me
but Ryan changed me that day
he was looking for a friend
he was just looking to connect with others
he just wanted to get to know someone and have them get to know him
he is probably one of the most humane people I have met in my life
I appreciated our moment together
thank you Ryan, for giving me an increased sense of kindness and belonging,
I should only be so lucky to have met you.